I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
