Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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