I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
