I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
