I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize