Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When are your genitals available?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
