We're like a lot better than the average bears
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
