I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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