I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
