i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i barfeds in our rink
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
