Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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