how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize