Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
