This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
