you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
