he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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