Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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