Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
