it was like eating out sand paper
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
