singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
