they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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