the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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