How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
