As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im part way to drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
