I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
