This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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