vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
