You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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