So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
