As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
