For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
