it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
