She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Please don't give away my fajitas
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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