so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
