I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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