have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
