His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
