things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize