I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
