No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
