She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
