Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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