I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
