Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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