I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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