The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
