i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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