He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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