Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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