Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize