We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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