So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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