my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
