I looked at my own cervix.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
