i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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