nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize