Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
