never play flip cup with pint glasses
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
