this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
