I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
