you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
