My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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