I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
