Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize